Building a Marriage God's Way

Fresh Manna Devotions
December 2, 2024
5
min read

Fresh Mannaby Pastor Tim BurtRenee and I celebrated 46 years of marriage this past September and I have to say that we have a fantastic marriage because of God alone. Our marriage started off rocky! Very unstable! Why? Because we were young, immature, and selfish. Today, we have what I would consider the marriage of my dreams. Even though I say that, it’s not perfect. Like anyone, we occasionally have our moments. But for the most part, we have the kind of marriage we both hoped for when we first got married. We deeply love each other, have great admiration for each other, serve each other, and work to serve the Lord together. What has helped us move from one end of the spectrum to the other is keeping God at the center of our lives and prioritizing our relationship with Him and each other.Jesus meant it when He spoke the words, "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you" (Matthew 6:33, NKJV). Taking this exhortation from the Lord seriously is the very thing that has helped our marriage become what it is.Over the years, due to the pulls on our lives from raising four children, accepting responsibility in our jobs, and the demands that come from just doing life, our life became very structured and disciplined. We knew it was critical to our survival and the path to a healthy marriage.The words "structure" and "discipline" can sound rigid and legalistic, but really they aren’t. It simply means that we had to learn to prioritize what we knew was important and would help us succeed over less important choices that would otherwise distract us and nibble away at what we deemed significant in our lives.We knew the limitations of our own knowledge, ability, and personal weaknesses better than anyone. Without God, they would have led us to failure. But we also knew that the Holy Spirit and the grace of God indwelt us—that is, His ability, wisdom, and strength were and are always available to help us go far beyond what we could do on our own. We knew we couldn't succeed in life without God’s help. We believed Jesus when He said, "... apart from me you can do nothing" (John 15:5, NIV). Because we knew that, we worked together to keep the Lord and His Word in first place in our lives and in prayer. Instead of carrying all the burdens of life that create fear and anxiety, which can cause couples to be at each other's throats, we embraced God's instruction to leave our cares—the things that are really God’s assignment, not ours—at His feet. Psalms 55:22 (NIV) says, "Cast your cares on the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall." And 1 Peter 5:7 (NIV) says, "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."And so, structure and discipline became critical to us! We were always needing God's help in multiple areas of our life and we purposed to stay close to Him. When I say "structure" and "discipline," people often think I’m talking about eating and workout habits. We had those, and they were important and still are. But when I talk about structure and discipline, I’m referring more to the ways we kept ourselves close to the Lord so we could receive His wisdom and help. We prayed together almost daily. We went to and became involved in serving at church every week with little exception. We gave our tithes and offerings weekly. We found ways to fellowship with other Christians in various life groups. We didn’t do these things to gain God’s favor—He gives that as a gift. By making these things priorities, they left little time for worldly pulls that didn’t really matter. We didn’t feel deprived. To the contrary, our marriage and our lives just got richer and richer in so many ways. Within these priorities, we made sure to turn God’s part over to Him, as He exhorts us to in Philippians 4:6 (NIV): "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."God has taught us that through each other and through a community of believers who love Him, He’d always find ways to speak into our lives and keep us on track as we grew in Him. It was also where most of the miracles in our lives manifested—within this community of believers and friends God had filled our lives with! It has resulted in each of us personally being transformed and matured by the help of the Holy Spirit, experiencing a wonderful, healthy, and purpose-filled marriage as we reach out to others with the love of God. We couldn't ask for anything more.Another part of our structure and discipline was the priority of sitting down and communicating about life and what's going on around us. We made time to go on both big and little dates—sometimes just over coffee and a bagel, and other times over a nice dinner. We went for walks where we talked and prayed along the way. We found ways to have fun together. We prioritized these things, knowing that failing to do so would cause our communication and our marriage to erode.Marriage is wonderful, but it is also work. Marriage works when two people set down their pride and selfishness again and again. Marriage works when two people remember that they love each other and need God’s help to sustain it. Marriage works when couples prioritize seeking God’s help and let His Word guide them through disputes and decisions. A God-built marriage is a beautiful thing. It blesses the couple and produces wonderful things for His Kingdom. So, structure and priority—seek Him first. Put Him first. And prioritize your love for each other! It’s a beautiful thing.Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NIV) "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands (a man and his wife and Jesus) is not quickly broken."In His love,Pastor Tim Burt

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