The advertisement copy might read:
More deadly than a snakebite.
More terrifying than feeding an alligator.
More destructive than a wrecking ball.
What could possibly be all these things?
It’s the retort.
A retort is a quick, sarcastic, or cutting reply—a verbal counterattack. It often slips out without thought, but once released, it carries surprising power to wound, divide, and destroy.
At twenty-five, I was a budding Christian and a newly married man—and an immature one at that. Like any marriage, there were times when I corrected Renee, and times when she corrected me. But what is it about a man’s ego that it can be so easily bruised?
Because of my immaturity, I often became defensive. And when defensiveness rose up, I was guilty of firing back a retort. To be fair, Renee and I both did at times. Those quick little responses sparked battles neither of us actually wanted to fight.
That’s the danger of retorts—they arrive without premeditation. They’re sharp, cutting, and once spoken, they can’t be taken back. For some people, they’re as dangerous as striking a match next to a gas can. Too often, they spill out as a reflexive response to something that was true—but not meant as an attack.
Oh, those mindless, viperous retorts.
A spouse, friend, family member, or coworker may point out something we said or did that was inappropriate—or could have been handled better. And then it happens. The retort launches. We immediately feel misunderstood. We convince ourselves they don’t know our motives or the full story—even when deep down, we know they’re right.
Here’s the truth: retorts never produce anything good. We know it, even if it felt momentarily satisfying to say it.
Instead of being quiet and listening, instead of reflecting and opening our hearts, we defend ourselves. We justify our actions. And then more retorts follow. Words become weapons. Tears are shed. Division takes root. At that point, the enemy has gained ground.
God does not want us destroying the people we love and respect. He wants us to grow—to recognize our weaknesses and receive His help in overcoming them.
James 3 makes this painfully clear. The tongue may be small, but it can set an entire forest on fire. Scripture tells us that no human being can tame the tongue on their own. Left to ourselves, it is always ready to pour out poison. That’s why retorts come so easily—and why they hurt so deeply.
Defensiveness and retorts go hand in hand. And without God’s help, we simply do not have the strength to restrain them.
But God longs for transformation in our lives.
The primary way He corrects us is through His Word. Scripture tells us not to resent correction, because correction is proof of His love. Just as a good father disciplines a child he delights in, the Lord corrects us to make us better—not to condemn us.
Only by yielding to the Holy Spirit can we learn to keep our tongues under control. As we read, pray, and meditate on God’s Word, He gently corrects our hearts. At first, correction may feel uncomfortable, but God is never trying to shame us. Jesus already paid for our cleansing. God corrects us because He loves us.
Something beautiful begins to happen when we allow that process. The more we let God’s Word shape us, the more willing we become to let people who love us speak into our lives. As that happens, we begin to listen instead of retaliate. We pause instead of pounce. And the retorts lose their grip.
Defensiveness is a nullifier. It cancels growth. Scripture tells us that the righteous study how to answer, while the unwise pour out words without restraint. God desires for us to use our tongues wisely—to listen carefully and respond with grace.
Over the years, God has done a wonderful work in my life. I’ve learned how powerful words truly are—and how much healing and encouragement they can bring when used wisely. I love the new me. There is still room to grow, but I am not the same person I once was because I asked the Lord to teach me how to speak words that bring life instead of destruction.
I hope you’ll do the same.
No matter how difficult it feels—or how long it takes—it is worth every ounce of effort. You will become a better person, more useful to God, and your life will grow more peaceful and meaningful as a result.
As Scripture says, reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
And healing is always the better choice.
Proverbs 12:18 (NIV) "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."
