I’ve had a hearing loss for over 50 years. When I first started in ministry, I quickly realized how important it was to truly listen to people. There’s a difference between hearing and listening. Because of my hearing loss, I had to learn to look people in the eyes and really watch their lips so I could catch what they were saying. Over time, this discipline shaped me into a better listener. People often tell me that I’m a good listener, and it has led many to seek me out for coffee and conversation, sharing the things on their hearts. What started as a necessity for me became a gift that God used to help me connect more deeply with people.
In our noisy, fast-moving world, genuine listening has become a lost art. We’re quick to share opinions, quick to judge, and slow to hear. Yet both Scripture and even science show us that listening is essential if we want to love well, live in peace, and build healthy relationships. The truth is, most people think they’re good listeners—but research and reality say otherwise.
Studies reveal that most people overestimate their ability to listen. Research shows that people typically remember only about 25–50% of what they hear. That means in any conversation, half of what’s said may be lost before the person even walks away. One Harvard Business Review study showed that while most leaders rated themselves as good listeners, far fewer of their peers agreed. Listening is often seen as passive—but it’s actually an active skill that many neglect.
Part of the challenge is that our brain processes thoughts much faster than speech. While people speak at about 125 words per minute, our minds can process 400–500 words per minute. That leaves plenty of space for wandering thoughts, judgments, or planning what we’ll say next instead of listening with full attention. The result? We often hear only what we expect or want, rather than what the other person is truly saying.
Listening was central to Jesus’ teaching. Again and again, He called people to truly hear. Matthew 11:15 — “He who has ears to hear, let him hear!” This wasn’t about physical hearing—it was a call to spiritual attentiveness, to listen with the heart. In the Parable of the Sower in Matthew 13, Jesus described how people receive God’s Word like seed. The condition of their hearts—whether hardened, shallow, or receptive—determines whether the seed grows. Listening with an open heart leads to fruitfulness.
Jesus also said, John 10:27 — “My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.” Listening is a critical necessity in knowing and following Him and developing an intimate relationship with God as revealed in Isaiah 50:4. “...He awakens Me morning by morning, He awakens My ear to hear as the learned.”
Sometimes, people don’t want solutions—they just need to be heard. Even psychology confirms this. Studies show that active listening and emotional validation reduce stress and help people feel supported, even without offering solutions. People who feel listened to experience greater relief and clarity, which helps them sort out their own thoughts and decisions. However, offering problem-solving too quickly can actually backfire, making them feel unheard. As Proverbs reminds us, Proverbs 18:13 — “He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him.”
Men and women sometimes approach listening differently. Many men feel a strong urge to fix problems. It’s not wrong—it’s often motivated by care—but it can get in the way of simply hearing first. Women often lean toward empathy. Neither tendency is bad, but both can distract from simply listening. The key is awareness. Holding back the impulse to fix or to overly empathize allows us to listen fully and love better. As Ecclesiastes wisely puts it, Ecclesiastes 3:7 — “A time to keep silence, and a time to speak.”
Listening leads to better living. It helps us love more deeply, understand more fully, and build stronger relationships. Jesus calls us not just to hear, but to listen with the ears of the learned. Let’s ask God to awaken our ears, as Isaiah wrote, so we can truly hear and offer words of life—or sometimes, simply the gift of presence—to the weary.
Today, ask God to help you listen well. Hold back the urge to fix or explain. Let your ears—and your heart—be open.
James 1:19 — “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
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