The Relationship Killers: Guarding What Matters Most A Bible Devotional on Avoiding Relationship Pitfalls
In Part One of The Art of Exchange—we talked about the power of mutual listening and exchange of conversation in building strong relationships. Today, let's look at how good communication strengthens relationships, but certain habits and attitudes can quietly erode even the best relationships. If we’re not careful, we can allow minor issues to grow into major divisions.
The Bible provides wisdom on how to avoid these relationship pitfalls. Here are three major relationship killers to be aware of and guard against:
1. Unrestrained Criticism and Harsh Words
Words have power. They can either build up or tear down. While correction and truth have their place, unchecked criticism can cause deep wounds. If you are a critical person, I promise you that your criticisms leak like a pinhole in a small raft.
Proverbs 18:21 (NIV) warns, The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."
When conversations are filled with negativity, fault-finding, or sarcasm, trust and closeness suffer. Instead, we should aim to speak words that are life-giving and bring encouragement and healing.
Ephesians 4:29 (NIV) reminds us, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." If criticism outweighs encouragement in our relationships, we must pause and ask: Am I building or breaking? And if you have your criticisms but you think you are keeping them quiet, they are leaking and will sink you. Being a critical person is bad and you need to take it to the Lord and ask Him for His grace and help to become transformed in that area. Jesus created you to love and bring life!
2. Unwise and Divisive Conversations
Some discussions deepen relationships, while others bring only strife. While standing for truth is essential, not every debate is worth the cost of a relationship. Topics like politics, personal convictions, or unresolved past issues can quickly escalate into heated arguments if not handled with grace.
Paul warns us in 2 Timothy 2:23-24 (NIV), "Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful."
Romans 14 speaks of avoiding disputes that do not edify. Instead of engaging in every debate, we should seek conversations that promote peace and mutual growth. Romans 14:19 (NIV) says, "Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification." Before engaging in a tough conversation, ask yourself: Will this discussion bring understanding and peace, or will it drive a wedge between us?
3. Pride and the Need to Always Be Right
One of the greatest barriers to healthy relationships is pride—the unwillingness to listen, the need to always win an argument, and the inability to admit when we’re wrong. Pride shuts the door to growth and understanding. Proverbs 13:10 (NLT) says, "Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise."
Humility, on the other hand, invites grace. James reminds us: James 4:6 (NIV) says, "God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble." Healthy relationships are not about proving a point but about fostering love, understanding, and mutual respect. When we let go of pride and approach others with a teachable spirit, we build trust and strengthen our connections.
Protecting What Matters Most
If we want to cultivate strong, godly relationships, we must be intentional in both our words and attitudes. The best relationships aren’t those without disagreements, but those where love, wisdom, and humility guide every interaction.
Paul encourages us in Colossians 3:12-14 (NIV) "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."
Love, humility, and wisdom are the antidotes to relationship killers. When we apply them, we create an environment where The Exchange can flourish, and our relationships thrive!
In His love,
Pastor Tim Burt
