Fresh Mannaby Pastor Tim BurtThe advertisement copy might read: Can be more deadly than snakebite. Can be more terrifying than feeding an alligator. Can do more damage than a wrecking ball. What is it that is all these things? It's "The Retort." The retort is defined in the dictionary this way: to make a reply, especially a quick, sarcastic, scathing one, to present a counterargument, to verbally retaliate.
At the age of 25, I was a budding Christian and a newly married man—and an immature one at that! Like any marriage, there were times when I would correct Renee on something, and there were times when she would correct me on something. What is it about a man's ego that it can be so easily bruised? As I said, I was immature, and because of it, I often got defensive and would be guilty of lobbing back a retort. Renee and I both were! Those little retorts sparked battles that we didn't really want to have. Retorts come spontaneously without premeditation. They are too often sharp and cutting. For some people, they can be as deadly as a match to a gas can. And they too often slip out of our mouths as a defensive response to something that was said to us that was truthful, yet not meant to be an attack. Oh, these evil, mindless, viperous retorts…Our spouse, a friend, family member, co-worker, or stranger might try to point out something that we said or did that was inappropriate, or that could have been handled in another way—and then comes our retort. We defensively think they don't understand—that they don't know why we said or did what we did, even if it wasn't appropriate. The bottom line is retorts never produce anything good! Deep down, we know it, even if it did feel good to spew it! We try to justify our words or actions and shore up a defense protecting our position, knowing deep down that they're right and we've blown it. Rather than be quiet and listen—rather than reflect and open our hearts to what they said, we let more cursed retorts slip out, and the bullets and bombs fly. The cutting and hurtful remarks hit the target. The tears are shed. And I'm sure, at this point, the devil is feeling a victory in bringing division.God doesn't want us to fail and destroy people we love and respect. He wants us to grow up and become aware of our weaknesses so we can learn to receive His help in resisting the temptation to retort. James 3:5 (TLB) says, "So also the tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do. A great forest can be set on fire by one tiny spark. And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is full of wickedness, and poisons every part of the body. And the tongue is set on fire by hell itself and can turn our whole lives into a blazing flame of destruction and disaster. Men have trained, or can train, every kind of animal or bird that lives and every kind of reptile and fish, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is always ready to pour out its deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our heavenly Father, and sometimes it breaks out into curses against men who are made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Dear brothers, surely this is not right!"If you ever get defensive (and your spouse or friend will surely affirm if you do), you probably launch retorts occasionally. Defensiveness and retorts go hand in hand. In our own self, we can't seem to find the strength to hold them back. That is what the scriptures in James confirm—we are incapable of controlling our tongue without God's help! Without His help, retorts happen and inflict pain.God yearns for transformation in our lives. The primary way He will speak to and correct us is through His Word. Proverbs 3:11-12 (TLB) "... do not resent it when God chastens and corrects you, for his punishment is proof of his love. Just as a father punishes a son he delights in to make him better, so the Lord corrects you." Only by yielding to the Holy Spirit within us can we learn to keep our tongue under control. We read, pray, and meditate on His Word, and His Word corrects our hearts. Initially, we can feel condemned, but God is never trying to condemn us. Only to correct and help us. He already sent Jesus to wash us clean. You'll find that the more you let God's word correct you, the more willing you are to let others who love you speak into your life. As that happens, you begin to listen and stop lobbing retorts!Defensiveness is a nullifier. It nullifies the opportunity to learn and grow. Proverbs 12:1 (NKJV) says, "Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, But he who hates correction is stupid." Developing godly character means we must change these negative qualities in our lives.Correction is seldom easy to receive from anyone, but as Proverbs 15:28 (NKJV) says, The heart of the righteous studies how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil. God desires for us to learn to use our tongues wisely! That means studying how to listen and answer with grace! When we understand God uses those closest to us to help us, and we, with the help of the Holy Spirit, learn to restrain our lips and listen to what is being said, then we can begin to be students of how to respond appropriately instead of defensively.Over the years, God has done a wonderful transformation in my life. I realize how powerful words are and how much healing and encouragement they can bring—a much better choice than destruction and division. I love the new me! There will always be room to grow, but I am not the same person because I sought and asked the Lord to teach me how to use words that bring life and blessing! I hope you'll do the same! No matter how hard it is or how long it takes, it's worth every second of effort you put into it. You will become a better person used by God for it, and your life will be so much more peaceful and meaningful!Proverbs 12:18 (NIV) "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."In His love,Pastor Tim Burt
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