Fresh Mannaby Pastor Tim BurtHave you ever heard the expression, Pick your battles? Great truth resides within that statement, and it is what God is trying to teach us in Ephesians 5:21(NIV). Husbands and wives are instructed: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." I've talked about this in the past but feel impressed to do so again today.People usually misunderstand the word submit, perceiving it as if it's talking about turning yourself over to be dominated by someone. This verse is really teaching us that as husbands and wives, we need to learn to adapt to each other with whole-hearted respect out of love and reverence for each other and God. You could say, preferring your spouse over yourself out of your love. Believe it or not. In doing this, God is actually helping you when you think you are helping your spouse. He is transforming you and making you a better person. It's hard to see this in the moment, but it powerfully shapes you into a better person over time.Let me share some of Renee’s and my adapting. When Renee gets into bed at night, she does not go to sleep until after she has spent a fair amount of time reading. We’ll pray together, and she usually reads until she's ready to fall asleep. She reads because she loves to read and mentally disconnects from a busy mind. For me, I generally fall asleep within a minute. Her reading with her bedstand light on doesn't bother me at all. We've adapted how we go to bed so that it works great for us. This is the process of respecting and adapting (or submitting) out of love for each other.Renee wakes up groggy in the morning, but the wheels of her mind begin to turn immediately. It actually helps her wake up. She gets up, puts on the coffee, and then heads to the sofa to read her Bible and pray. She puts the thoughts of the pending day aside and instead focuses on the Word, prayer, and often journaling her thoughts from the Lord.I wake up fairly alert in the morning. I wake up thanking the Lord for being my Savior and Lord of my life and daily professing what He taught me... that without Him, I can do nothing! (John 15:5) I always feel over-the-top thankful! I then spend various times and ways worshipping and thanking the Lord for His presence in my life! I then do a quick workout, get showered and dressed, and have my quiet time in God's word and prayer. I expect God's word to speak to me and it's where I am most often inspired as to what to write for an upcoming Fresh Manna.Our routines have changed over the years because of work schedules, babies, and kids. When it was just the two of us, we still each had our own quiet time with the Lord but came together to pray before we started our day. And yes, though I am describing this as neatly laid out, it carried great fluctuations. Life and kids create many! But we didn't stress out. We knew adapting to daily or seasonal changes was the key to keeping our disciplines, yet reinventing them as they needed change. We each love our separate morning routines and have adapted to giving each other space for them. We want each other's day to start well and support each other in it. Finally, we sit down for a short face time to talk about the day and pray together before we launch our day.When I come in the front door of our home, Renee appreciates it if I put my shoes in the coat closet. I used to always leave them out. I've adapted. I ask her not to hang her purse on our closet door handle. She's adapted. She doesn't want me shaking my hands after I wash them because I splash the mirror. She wants me to use the hand towel. I've adapted. I ask her to keep her cell phone on and answer it when I call to get a hold of her. She’s adapted! I could go on and on, but here’s the point: we try to understand what helps and is important to each other and adapt so that we bless each other—not work against each other. In a young marriage, couples often battle over these things, trying to create some sense of dominance. That's immature and really hurts the relationship. Adapting is better!
God tells us to submit or adapt to each other in the context of instructing men and women how to love each other. God does not expect anyone to adapt to rudeness, disrespect, or slothful habits. We all have our little idiosyncrasies or needs that could drive each other crazy. It is often our spouse, through the process of adapting, that helps us overcome those. And we mind less if we help each other with great respect and love for each other in doing so. One of the most important truths we've learned in asking each other to make changes is to be as agreeable as often as we possibly can and then give each other time to make the desired change, understanding that changing routines and habits takes a little bit of time until they become your new instinctive way of doing them for your spouse!Trying to dominate each other will absolutely destroy your marriage! Adapting, loving, and appreciating each other and making changes as an act of love for each other makes life with each other pleasant and defuses many potential battles that Satan would like to seduce you to enter. (He loves strife.) Learning to adapt because you love your spouse and making changes to bless them is the execution of love. Do it and you will find much more love and joy in your lives and love bank. You will also find that you have rid yourself of a multitude of stupid and insignificant battles forever! Hallelujah! Oh yes, and one more thing: you’ll find that this principle works with everyone—not just your spouse!1 Corinthians 10:33 (NLT) I, too, try to please (be agreeable and adapt to) everyone in everything I do. I don’t just do what is best for me..."In His love,Pastor Tim Burt
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