Rachel sat in the back pew of the church, arms crossed tightly over her chest. Her pastor had just finished preaching on honoring your father and mother, and she could feel her stomach twisting in knots."Honor?" she thought bitterly. How am I supposed to honor a man who ruined my childhood?
Her father, Jack, had been an alcoholic for as long as she could remember. Some nights, he came late into in the early morning hours, angry, slamming doors and yelling at her mother. Other nights, he never came home at all. When he was around, Rachel and her brother learned to walk on eggshells, careful not to set him off. She remembered one night as a ten-year-old, accidently knocking over his beer bottle. The next thing she knew, she was cowering in the corner as he screamed in her face.
When Rachel turned eighteen, she packed her bags and left. She built a new life—one free from fear, free from pain, free from him. She found a good job, made good friends, and eventually, found Jesus. For the first time, she knew what it meant to be loved by a perfect Father.
But now, sitting in church, she wrestled with the words of Scripture:
"Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you." — Exodus 20:12 (NIV)"
God, how can You ask this of me?" she prayed silently. "He doesn’t deserve it. He was never a real father to me."After the service, Rachel’s friend Sarah caught up with her. “You okay? You looked like you were deep in thought.”
Rachel hesitated but then blurted out, “How am I supposed to honor a man who doesn’t deserve it?”
Sarah thought for a moment. “Maybe honoring him doesn’t mean pretending he was a good father. Maybe it means letting go of the bitterness so it doesn’t control you.”Rachel frowned. She had long convinced herself that cutting him out of her life was enough. But if she was honest, she still carried the pain like a heavy chain around her heart.
That night, she prayed, "God, I don’t know how to honor him. But I want to honor you and your word. And I don’t want to live with this anger anymore. Show me what to do."A week later, she felt a tug on her heart. She hadn’t spoken to her father in years, but something inside her told her to reach out. She wasn’t ready for a deep conversation, but she could do one thing—send a simple message.
She picked up her phone and typed, "Hi, Dad. I hope you’re doing okay. Just wanted to check in."
Her finger hovered over the “send” button. She hesitated. What if he didn’t respond? What if he did, and it only led to disappointment?
Finally, she took a deep breath and hit send.Minutes passed. Then an hour. Just as she was about to give up, her phone vibrated."Rachel? I didn’t think I’d ever hear from you again. I know I don’t deserve it, but I’m sorry for everything."
Tears welled up in her eyes. She wasn’t sure where this would lead. She wasn’t sure if she could trust him. But for the first time, she felt a weight lifting.Over the next few months, Rachel set boundaries. She didn’t let her father’s past dictate her future, but she also chose not to let bitterness define her.
She prayed for him. She chose kindness over resentment. And most of all, she trusted God to deal with what she couldn’t.Her father never became the dad she had always wanted. He still struggled, still wrestled with his demons. But Rachel found peace—not because he changed, but because she did.
Honor didn’t mean approving of his failures. It meant releasing her pain to God and allowing Him to bring healing.And for the first time in her life, she was truly free.
Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV) – “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
In His love,
Pastor Tim Burt
