Fresh Mannaby Pastor Tim BurtA few months ago, I was talking with a friend who was upset about some of his relationships. He felt that many of them were one-sided and that he was doing most of the giving to each relationship. He was very bothered and had been stewing over it for a while. He wanted my advice. And that led me to write this today!Have you ever considered that there are some people—some friends in your life, that you treat kinder than they treat you? Does that bother you? Does that make you want to complain or abandon the relationship? Sometimes, people get so focused and bent on fairness that they throw away or destroy good friendships or relationships just because the love and kindness they had shown weren't reciprocated back to them to their desired degree.
Over the years, I've noticed that only a small percentage of people are good at giving or showing appreciation. Of course, some people are very good at giving thanks or taking the time to write a thank you note, send off an email of thanks, or show some form of appreciation. It’s wonderful when people take note of what you've done for them and thank you in some form. However, the percentage of people who do this well is very small.This is usually true even with your close relationships—your spouse, your good friends, your besties, your co-workers, or people who are the recipients of your acts of kindness. You might think you are doing most of the giving and it feels one-sided. Well, that might be your perspective, but it might not be true. They might add things to your life in ways you don’t notice. Or, maybe it is true. Perhaps they are great at receiving from you but don’t give much back. They might be busy, stressed, or too overwhelmed to think about your kindness toward them. Or, they haven't let the Lord train them in noticing and being appreciative. So if they aren't good at it, then what? Should you get offended and dump the relationship?In relationships, you will find great disparity in the amount of appreciation and sincere thanks that people return back to you. But if you’ll do a self-examination, you might discover a few relationships that you receive more from and give less to. Or you may just realize that God has graced you with more of a giving and appreciating personality than most, and that the imbalance of you giving more than others return back to you is always going to be a part of your experience.There are plenty of takers in this world. Some are narcissistic and only think of themselves. They seem to feel entitled and are seldom thankful for anything. Unless God has directed you to and given you the grace to, you shouldn't stay in close relationships where someone who takes and takes and drains you without giving back. I've had a few of those over the course of my life, and they are toxic. Takers take advantage of the kindness of others. Though there are a few of these people out there. Romans 12:18 (NKJV) says, "If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men." When they do show up in my life, I keep them at arm's length so I'm not used or abused by them. I'll still be kind. I'll still show them the love of Jesus. But, I'll not let toxic takers consume my everyday space. Some people are easier to love at a distance. You will learn who those people are over time.We must never forget that there are people in the earth who cannot take care of themselves. They may have been born broken and have special needs all their life. Never expect appreciation from someone who is not whole. Often, they do not have the wherewithal to give it. God gives us the grace to joyfully help them and it is our honor to be used of God to touch their lives with His goodness in some way.Though it's a living reality that many of your kindnesses will be unappreciated, it's still important to hold onto good people and good relationships. There are some non-appreciators in your life that are still maturing and growing in this area but probably add to your life in other ways. Don’t blow off the relationship because it’s not perfectly fair in the reciprocation of appreciation. Most relationships aren't perfect or perfectly reciprocal in love and appreciation. But, they do bring value to your life and they are worth having.In closing, I try to always remember the words of Romans 5:8 (NLT) whichsays, "But God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners." God loved us when we rejected Him, when we offered no thanks or appreciation, and even when we did receive Him into our life but were still lousy at thanking Him each day for saving our life! The more you learn to appreciate and sincerely thank the Lord each day for His love, the more likely you are to become aperson who appreciates the good people do for you, and shows thanks and appreciation. The one way we can show the Lord thanks that He cares about and that blesses Him, is if we thrive in these words—"This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." John 15:12 (NKJV) Love in the form of appreciation is a critical ingredient to great relationships! Notice the kindness of others and be thankful!In His love,Pastor Tim Burt
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