Fresh Mannaby Pastor Tim BurtOne of the most harmful weaknesses within the body of Christ is the unwillingness to work through relational conflict. At some point, most of us have had a close friend take offense at something we said or did—or perhaps didn’t do. The majority of daily personal conflicts arise from miscommunication and misunderstanding. How many times have you heard or said phrases like:
- “I thought you said…”
- “I thought you meant…”
- “That’s not what I said!”
- “Yes, it was!”
Life moves fast, and research shows that many people struggle with being good listeners. If you think you’re a great listener, congratulations! But you might want to verify that with your spouse or a close friend.We’ve all had moments where, like a child laser-focused on a toy, we’re deaf to the world around us. Distractions abound, and people often fail to give their full attention, leading to misunderstandings. These misunderstandings create offenses, spark arguments, and build walls. The Bible instructs us to resolve conflict, yet the number of unresolved conflicts in our lives is staggering. Don’t believe me? Take a few days to reflect and ask the Lord to reveal them. He will.When misunderstandings happen, our instinct is often to justify ourselves by sharing our perspective with others, hoping for their sympathy. But sharing one-sided stories is just gossip in disguise. Just because you see the situation from your viewpoint doesn’t make it right. This is why God calls us to embrace mercy and forgiveness quickly. If issues remain unresolved, the distance between people grows, bitterness sets in, and relationships are injured—or even destroyed. As Psalm 41:9 (NLT) reminds us:"Even my best friend, the one I trusted completely, the one who shared my food, has turned against me."Unresolved conflict often leads to harsh words and damaged reputations, especially between close relationships like husbands and wives. Once bitterness takes root, reconciliation becomes harder. This is especially tragic when the conflict stems from a simple misunderstanding. Many disagreements could be resolved if both parties humbled themselves and chose to work through the issue.True friendship is marked by loyalty and love. Proverbs 17:17 says:"A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need."Yet some Christians behave recklessly, discarding meaningful friendships over petty misunderstandings. This raises an important question: Was that person ever a true friend to begin with?Every Christian’s journey toward maturity must be built on a foundation of forgiveness and a willingness to overlook offense. As Proverbs 19:11 (NIV) states:"A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense."We forgive others, not because they deserve it, but because Jesus forgave us when we didn’t deserve it. We overlook offenses because we desire God’s mercy to cover our own shortcomings daily. If forgiveness and mercy are not foundational to your character, then spiritual maturity is still a distant goal.Here are three practical steps for Christians striving to mature in their faith:
- Value relationships enough to prevent conflict.Avoid conflict by pausing to ensure you’ve understood the other person correctly. Stay humble, calm yourself, and ask, “Could this be a misunderstanding?” A willingness to quickly apologize can defuse many potential conflicts—even the imaginary ones we create in our minds.
- Prioritize forgiveness and reconciliation in conflicts.When conflict does arise, strive to be the calming presence and work toward forgiveness and reconciliation. Even if the other person remains stubborn, you can rest knowing you did the right thing. Living with a clear conscience before God is worth the effort.
- Purge the habit of taking offense.The Apostle Paul modeled this in Acts 24:16:“…I myself always strive to have a conscience without offense toward God and men.”Paul understood that petty offenses arise often, and he made it his goal to prevent them from taking root.
Take a moment to reflect:
- Do you truly understand the value of good relationships?
- Have you done your best to protect them, or have you allowed unresolved conflicts to destroy them?
- How do you think God feels about the way you handle conflict?
Today is the day to grow in the Lord and commit to guarding your relationships. As Proverbs 17:9 reminds us: "He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends."Let’s resolve to be peacemakers who honor God by preserving the gift of relationships.In His love,Pastor Tim Burt
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