Most people find themselves in conflict far more often than they’d like. Very few enjoy it—and if someone does enjoy conflict, something is wrong. Peace, harmony, unity, kindness, and preferring one another should be the desire of every believer’s heart. So pause for a moment and ask yourself: Is this my desire? Is this the rudder guiding my life? Scripture calls us to pursue peace—not as a nice idea, but as a core value shaped within us by the Holy Spirit as He teaches us to live Christ-like.
Today I want to share a simple truth that can produce more peace in your life. If you’ll first plant it in your heart and then practice it, you’ll experience change—because it is a principle of God rooted in love.
In 1 Kings 12, Solomon has just died. His 40-year reign was one of peace—possibly the longest peaceful reign of any king. His son Rehoboam now faced the people’s question: What kind of king will you be? They were exhausted. Solomon had taxed and worked them hard.
Rehoboam sought counsel from two groups—his young, inexperienced friends who had been promoted along with him, and the older, seasoned advisers who had served Solomon for decades.
He asked, “What is your advice?” (1 Kings 12:9, NLT). The young men told him to be harsh and intimidating:
“My little finger is thicker than my father’s waist… My father used whips on you, but I will use scorpions!” (1 Kings 12:10–11, NLT).
It was arrogant, cruel advice from inexperienced novices puffed up with new power.
But the older advisers said the opposite:
“If you are willing to serve the people today and give them a favorable answer, they will always be your loyal subjects.” (1 Kings 12:7)
This was the right counsel—gentle, wise, servant-hearted, and rooted in peace. But Rehoboam rejected it, choosing instead the harsh advice that ultimately doomed his kingdom.
Scripture affirms the wisdom of the older men:
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1, NIV)
The power isn’t merely in sounding gentle; it’s in having a sincere heart that desires peace, unity, and the best for others. A gentle answer born from genuine love carries supernatural weight. A harsh heart produces harsh words—and harsh words fuel conflict.
Many people fall into a habitual pattern of angry, defensive responses because they expect the worst. Others have unbridled egos and almost enjoy conflict—using it to flex power or provoke reactions. It’s unhealthy, and sadly more common than we think.
But this should never be true of a follower of Jesus. If you love God, His Spirit is teaching you to love people, listen, serve, and promote peace. When conflict arises, let the Holy Spirit rise within you. Instead of sparring back, pause. Pray silently for grace. Then offer a reasonable, gentle answer—one that shows you have genuinely considered the other person’s concerns. When you do that, you turn away wrath, and you gain the kind of respect and loyalty Rehoboam could have won.
Of course, not everyone responds well. Some hearts are hardened, and only prayer can soften them. That’s why Romans 12:18 (NIV) instructs us, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” You cannot control others—but you can control your heart and your responses.
Avoiding conflict never resolves anything, but handling it with grace is God’s expectation for His children. Sometimes the issue is too charged to resolve immediately. In those cases, bathing the situation in prayer can prepare hearts for later conversations. Scripture shows prayer is essential for real conflict resolution.
When your heart truly desires unity, when you sincerely care about people, and when you’re willing to make adjustments where you can, you can approach conflict with kindness and confidence. This is what makes someone a “master communicator”—not force, but humility and love.
Not everyone will agree with you or work with you. Sometimes conflict ends badly. But if you have followed God’s instructions and acted kindly, you can walk away with peace, knowing you have done your part.
A heart willing to serve, listen, and give a favorable answer—not manipulative, but sincere—is a heart God uses to heal conflict and create peace.
1 Kings 12:7 captures it well:
“If you are willing to serve the people today and give them a favorable answer, they will always be your loyal subjects.”
May your heart—and your words—lead others toward peace.
